What is people-pleasing?
Hey Queens!!! Welcome back to Captivation Radio, the podcast for women looking to step into their main character energy. Today I am going to start a series of episodes about people pleasing - which is essentially the opposite of main character energy.
Most of us had times in our lives where we put everyone else first but it is a terrible habit that holds us back from our true potential.
Understanding People-Pleasing:
What does it mean to be a people pleaser?
Being a people pleaser means you consistently prioritize the needs, desires, and opinions of others over your own well-being to the point that your are no longer your authentic self. People pleasers often go out of their way to gain approval, avoid conflict, or seek validation from others, even at the expense of their own happiness and fulfillment. They may struggle to assert themselves, set boundaries, or make decisions that align with their own values and preferences. Basically, being a people pleaser involves sacrificing one's own needs and authenticity in favor of seeking external validation and acceptance from others.
What is the psychology around this behavior?
The psychology behind people-pleasing behavior is multifaceted and can be influenced by various factors. Here are some key psychological insights into why people engage in people-pleasing behavior:
Approval and Validation: People-pleasers often seek approval and validation from others as a means of boosting their self-esteem and sense of worth. Positive feedback and validation from others reinforce the belief that their worth is contingent on meeting others' expectations and needs.
Fear of Rejection: People-pleasers may fear rejection or abandonment if they don't meet others' expectations or if they assert their own needs and boundaries. This fear can drive them to prioritize the needs of others over their own in an attempt to maintain relationships and avoid conflict.
Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may engage in people-pleasing behavior as a way to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. By constantly seeking validation and approval from others, they hope to temporarily alleviate their insecurities and feel valued.
Avoidance of Conflict: People-pleasers often go to great lengths to avoid conflict or confrontation, even if it means sacrificing their own needs or beliefs. They may fear the discomfort or tension that comes with asserting themselves and prefer to keep the peace by acquiescing to others' demands.
Cultural and Social Conditioning: Cultural and societal norms can also contribute to people-pleasing behavior. In cultures that emphasize harmony, collectivism, and deference to authority, individuals may be socialized to prioritize the needs of the group over their own individual desires.
Past Experiences: Past experiences of rejection, criticism, or trauma can shape people-pleasing behavior. Individuals who have experienced rejection or criticism may develop a strong desire to avoid similar negative experiences by seeking approval and acceptance from others.
Role Modeling: People-pleasing behavior can be learned through observation and imitation of significant others, such as parents or caregivers, who exhibit similar tendencies. If individuals grow up in environments where people-pleasing is rewarded or modeled as a desirable trait, they may adopt similar behavior patterns.
Understanding these psychological factors can help individuals recognize and address their people-pleasing tendencies, leading to greater self-awareness, assertiveness, and authenticity. Therapy, self-reflection, and practicing assertiveness skills can be valuable tools in overcoming people-pleasing behavior.
Discuss common traits and tendencies of people pleasers.
Certainly! Here are some common traits and tendencies often observed in people pleasers:
Difficulty Saying No: People pleasers often find it challenging to say no, even when they have their own needs or priorities. They may agree to take on additional tasks, favors, or commitments, even if it overwhelms them or conflicts with their own interests.
Over-Apologizing: People pleasers tend to apologize excessively, even for minor inconveniences or things that are not their fault. They may apologize as a way to seek reassurance or to avoid conflict, even when it's not necessary.
Avoidance of Conflict: People pleasers typically go to great lengths to avoid conflict or disagreement, often at the expense of their own needs or opinions. They may suppress their own feelings or perspectives in order to maintain harmony in relationships or situations.
Seeking External Validation: People pleasers often seek validation and approval from others as a source of self-worth. They may prioritize others' opinions over their own and rely heavily on external feedback to feel valued and validated.
Putting Others' Needs First: People pleasers frequently prioritize the needs and desires of others over their own well-being. They may go out of their way to accommodate others, often neglecting their own needs or boundaries in the process.
Difficulty Expressing Preferences: People pleasers may have difficulty expressing their own preferences, desires, or opinions, especially if they perceive that it may lead to disagreement or rejection from others. They may adapt their preferences to align with those of others in order to avoid conflict or gain approval.
Fear of Disapproval: People pleasers often have a strong fear of disapproval or rejection from others. They may go to great lengths to avoid disappointing others or being perceived as selfish, even if it means sacrificing their own happiness or well-being.
Self-Sacrifice: People pleasers are prone to self-sacrifice, often putting the needs and wants of others ahead of their own. They may neglect self-care or personal goals in order to meet the demands of others, leading to feelings of resentment or burnout over time.
Recognizing these common traits and tendencies can be the first step toward overcoming people-pleasing behavior and cultivating greater self-awareness, assertiveness, and authenticity. By learning to prioritize their own needs and set healthy boundaries, people pleasers can build more fulfilling and balanced relationships with others.
Thank you for listening. Next episode we are going to look into the causes of people-pleasing behavior.