No More Imposter Syndrome
No More Imposter Syndrome
What is imposter syndrome? Imposter syndrome is defined as feeling like a fraud, questioning if you’re worthy of accolades, or feeling like you don’t deserve the success you have achieved. It often affects high achieving womxn (you know perfectionist types). At least this is how it is defined by some person on the internet.
Today, we are not going to talk about this wishy-washy version of imposter syndrome. I’m going to give you a real talk about the phenomenon called imposter syndrome, what it really is, and what we can do about it. If you are looking for some basic advice that all the coaches share – this is not the episode for you. We are going to really get into it today.
Imposter syndrome was created in corporate America and is constantly being capitalized on. Cue the OMG, what do you mean? Why would people want to capitalize on other people’s struggles? Um, isn’t that what our country does?
Let me explain. Most of the time imposter syndrome in womxn is NORMAL anxiety and feeling self-doubt before doing something new or stepping into a bigger position. However, experiences in the workplace, and in the online space, have exacerbated the problem. Men get into the workplace and are quickly praised for their accomplishments and they can easily find mentors to look up to and have them show them the way. Womxn do not get this same experience.
Womxn enter the workplace and are met with doubt. If there happen to be womxn in higher up positions they are often too busy trying to further their own careers (because of ridiculous standards) to even reach back and try to help the womxn coming up. Womxn on the same level, or even close to the same level, sometimes even sabotage other womxn so they can maintain their place. Add into that the men doubting womxn’s abilities from the beginning (I know not all men) and you can see why womxn would struggle to feel qualified. So instead of womxn’s confidence growing, the opposite tends to happen. If the womxn is trans, Black, Indigenous, or a Womxn of Color she faces even more bias.
And this is not an issue that only happens in the traditional workplace. This is an issue that affects womxn no matter what field they choose to work in. No matter how womxn present themselves they will be judged. If womxn speak up they’re too opinionated and bossy (or much worse). If they choose to stay quiet and not be labeled bossy then they are labeled as weak and lacking in the confidence required to be in a leadership position. Or if these don’t apply you can always go back to the good ol – womxn are too emotional excuse. I’m sure you have heard it all.
The bottom line is – these feelings womxn are experiencing are valid! They are not something that you can read a book and get over or read yourself affirmations every day and pretend the world isn’t doubting you. There is no amount of money you can pay a coach that is going to change the society that we live in.
So today I do not have a magical solution or an easy mindset technique, like reframing, that would help you easily overcome imposter syndrome. What I want to tell you is self-doubt is NORMAL, everyone feels it – even if they lie and try to bro their way through it. If you are doing something new, you are going to be scared, and that is OK, even expected. No one has gotten on a stage to speak for the first time without wondering if anyone even wanted to hear what they had to say. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you!
What can you do to work through this normal self-doubt?
First, I want you to ask yourself, “What doubts am I feeling? Where does this come from?” Then you can begin to determine if these feelings are coming from you or from societal expectations.
If the doubts are indeed your own, then by all means, use some mindset techniques to work through this self-doubt – because that is all that it is – self-doubt. If we stop labeling it as some scary thing it will be easier to overcome.
If your workplace is to blame, I want you to first acknowledge that it is not your fault that you are in a toxic environment. Then you have to determine if there is a way to change the environment that you are in, or if you want to move on. Sometimes the jobs that seem the most stable are not the best for our mental health and I will never accept that a check is worth being unhappy over.
I also want to add, as womxn we have to do better. I understand that society wants us to compete, but we do not have to. You can love and accept other womxn without agreeing with their choices or way of life. We cannot wait for men to change the way things are – they are doing well with the current system. If we want things to change then we have to each be that change!
I can’t leave without giving you a couple of tools for working through self-doubt.
1. Ask yourself, What is the worst that could happen? Make your story as dramatic as possible. I guarantee at the end you will probably be laughing at yourself.
2. Practice. Self-doubt usually comes in because we are unsure of our abilities. If we practice ahead of time, then the fear starts to dissipate.
3. Don’t expect perfection. No one does anything perfectly the first time. Reward yourself for trying – not for the outcome.
4. If you are telling yourself a lie, change it up.
5. Get feedback from others. Sometimes we can’t see how fabulous we are. In these moments we need our friends to step in and tell us.
6. Find a mentor. I know I said it is hard to find mentors, but they are out there. They may not be where you are looking or you may be too picky. The womxn who can help you might be younger, she might be at her own company or a different one than yours. Don’t be scared to reach out to other womxn who are doing what you want to be doing. I promise most of us are nice – even if we don’t seem like it.
7. Get a coach or a therapist. If self-doubt is holding you back and you know you need outside help don’t feel bad! We all need help sometimes. Don’t be afraid to hire a coach or a therapist that can help you.
I love you all and I am so appreciative of you tuning in! Have a fantastic week!
In Love & Abundance,
Falon ~ Captivation Queen